WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
