I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
