The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
