does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
