I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
