She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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