we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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