i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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