Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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