I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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