We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
