i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
