I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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