i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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