Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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