I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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