it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
