I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize