Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
