I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
