I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
