im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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