Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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