Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
