You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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