And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
