win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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