If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
