Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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