yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
