For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize