you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
