so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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