i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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