I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
