she was so not down for the gang bang
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
