TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize
