wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
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