I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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