..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
