Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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