I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
it was like eating out sand paper
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
