I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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