Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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