i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
