If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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