I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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