Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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