I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
