i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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