im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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