Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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