Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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