I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
