i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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