I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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