We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
