You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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