I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
