My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
