Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
