I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
