I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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