Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
