stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This house was built for laser tag.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
