how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
